Do you ever struggle with knowing you’re “enough?”
I’m better with it than I used to be, that’s for sure, but at times the old fears still sneak up on me, and I get out the old measuring stick….
Have I done enough? Am I good enough? Or can I figure out a way to “fix me” so I can do it more, do it better, next time?
Oh, I’m pretty good in a lot of ways. I’ve healed my inner critic enough to know that. I’ve done some pretty good stuff.
And if I’m careful to compare myself to the right people, I can even puff myself up a bit!
But when I look at the whole truth, both “in here” and “out there,” then I know the real answer is “No. I have never done all I could with what I have.
- I’ve never changed enough to see your needs clearly every time I needed to.
- I haven’t responded with enough tenderness and care, even when I meant to.
- I’ve never done enough to fix all the things I want to fix.
I never have, and, the older I get, the more I know I never will. In fact, in some ways I’m less “enough” now than I once was. You may be too – just look in the mirror!
Knowing we’re not really enough can lead us into desperate measures. Sometimes we create a public version of our self, and pretend that’s us. We may even begin to believe it, and fake you into believing it too. Or we may get good at making excuses. You know the ones:
“I’m really totally enough, I just didn’t try/got sick/got the raw end of the deal.”
Of course, if we’re really feeling desperate, we can always look at how you aren’t enough. That one never fails!
This is why Ephesians 2:4 is my all-time favorite verse.
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions made us alive together with Christ. By grace you have been saved.”
The good news is, I don’t have to “be enough.” Neither do you. We already have the love, the acceptance, the rewards our heart longs for.
I am loved, anyway. Even when I am flat-out dead in my “not-enough-ness.” And because I am loved, I can unfold into who I really am. The person I was always made to be.
So, OK. I’m not enough. Well, I don’t mean to be rude, but neither are you. And “they” aren’t enough either – just wait till you get to know them better. That’s just how it is, with all of us.
But we don’t have to waste our life trying to be enough. We are free to be who we are, nourished and growing in love. We are free to love more. To laugh more. To dance more. Free to be more of who we were made to be.
My job is to live that truth. No matter what that sneering critic who lives inside me says.
Maybe I can even share some love with her. Even if she isn’t good enough yet.